Young dater worries about `love bombs'

Q I am 21 and just getting into the dating game. My father is a narcissist and used love-bombing to get my mom. I've watched her go through multiple men who used the same tactic. I understand how abusive these men turned out to be. I'm also a psychology student, so I tend to read a lot into things. My question is: How do I take a compliment without my brain throwing up red flags? I'm having the hardest time still talking to people if they call me beautiful, or if they give me any other

compliment. Confused Dater

A “Love bombing” is a term describing a specific kind of attention that is lavished on a potential partner essentially in order to ensnare the person in a relationship. This refers to showering (“bombing”) the person with affection, attention, gifts, compliments and premature declarations of friendship or love. This technique is often used by potential abusers to destabilize and control their partners. Knowing about “love bombing” can help to protect you in future relationships. It is important that you always remain true to your most authentic self — but it can be hard to locate that anchor when you're feeling overwhelmed or unsure of an attraction. I'm happy to report that a compliment is not necessarily the first grenade in a love-bombing campaign.

When I was your age, I countered every compliment with a self-deprecating denial, until a friend responded: “Amy. Just say `Thank you.' ” “Thank you” is the only response required. After that, you should remain in the space with an open attitude to see what happens next. Because you are entering this phase of life as a skeptic, a “love bomb” will feel completely fake, inauthentic, premature and manipulative. You will know it when it is lobbed in your direction.

Q Regarding the question you received about what to do with blank notecards and occasion cards received from charities — my local Meals on Wheels likes to give their recipients cards for special occasions. They will happily accept nice cards for those purposes.

LH

A This is a great idea.